I'm in hurry. Mildly I'm panicking (internally) that if I don't get out all the ideas floating around in my head then they'll disappear, never to be thought of again and somehow that's a bad thing. Is it though? Does it really matter if a seemingly "good" idea goes back into the jelly? A "good idea" after all is a perceptive concept, it's as real as the power you (I) give it.
I write lists, notes on sticky bits of paper, cryptic comments on pages in note books that I come back to and have no idea what they mean (usually next to phone numbers that I dare not ring), abbreviated messages on envelopes, series(es) of undecipherable initials on my hands and other various scrawlings trying to remind me of a fleeting idea that might be either a pot of gold and a crock of shit, they could conceivably be both in some sort of Schrodingers cat type way. I fluster myself by trying to get pictures out of my head and on to canvas or paper quickly. As I'm doing that another idea comes through to infect the first and transform it into something else. Am I trying to be efficient, squishing things together? I guess it doesn't matter if the intention or vague notion that I begin with takes a different direction. The struggle comes with allowing the idea to find it's own way out.
So when I do do that and don't over-analyse the process the execution of an idea can begin, I become agreeable with my creative brain. "Do this" it says, and obediently away I go, the path to an art thing opens up, then it's just practicality and ability that I have to overcome.
The ability thing is interesting. All is possible in an artistic sense, a way can be found by either me or someone I know or someone else who I don't yet know. Mostly (actually totally) though I want to do it with my own hands because they are connected to my mind directly. But there's a whole shit load of stuff that I don't know how to do, so some things I need to go and acquire skills at, those ideas have to wait. For the immediate, the necessary skills need to be in range or just beyond range so I can work them out by trial and error, on the edge of my current ability set. That's a good thing.
I'm working on my ability, each picture is development in process but also I practice and I have tutored courses that I'm going to start soon (tomorrow or the next day, possibly the beginning of next week... ha ha). It's important for me to get technically better, I'm talking about fine art here, I know it'll help me to produce more interesting work. I visualise myself as an artist further down the line, I have big plans, I'd like to go big. Currently I'm painting, portraits mostly but also conceptual scenes. I'm learning a great deal about this process and enjoying it immensely but I'm not content to be pony with one trick or even a horse with a couple of tricks. There's more coming.
So if I lose an idea, I put it down and then forget it's there, and then don't encounter it again. Will it come back to me by itself? Or will I see it come from someone else and then remember I had that thought and feel slightly aggrieved that it wasn't me that birthed it into the world. There's a theory that once an idea has been given the taste of realisation then it will find a way to realise itself, whether that be through the person who thought of it first or someone completely other. Perhaps we are just vehicles for an idea to travel on/through and if we don't act on it and make it come to life via our own hands then it gives us the gift of remorse by showing that it didn't need us to be present in the world, like a lost love that slips through our fingers. It gives us the opportunity to be more on it next time and grasp the chance to create while the idea rests solely with ourselves. So given that there is no time to do everything, I'll do what I can and try to do it as best I can, but be precious about nothing, because being precious will only ruin the fun of it all.